I’ve been making bunting and a chocolate cake today..
I’m going into hospital as soon as they can get me a bed for intensive DBT/CBT etc, because I need intensive therapy. I don’t know how I feel about it but I think it’s the best thing for me (I want to go, but naturally I’m nervous)
So I’ve got the gateway assessment on Tuesday that you have to have before you can go in then hopefully I’ll get a bed soon..I’m scared but currently feeling a little more relaxed about everything because I know what’s happening in my life for once!!
because people are still asking that question
because women are payed less than men in approximately 99% of professions
because chris brown can still have a career after assaulting rihanna but miley cyrus takes her clothes off and there’s a huge scandal
because of this:
because currently it is estimated ten million more girls are out of education than boys (x)
because we’re expected to be mature but hairless like a child, in control but not bossy, sexy but not slutty and definitely not a prude, intelligent but not opinionated, independent but reliant on men, natural but look like the girl in the magazine etc etc
because being called a girl, a pussy or a bitch is an insult
because when i told my mum i refused to get anything less than a’s in my exams she told me it wasn’t ladylike to be so cocky
because my brother and 90% of my male friends think girls who wear revealing clothing are asking for rape
because every person who identifies as female should be allowed to choose if they want to get married, have kids, have a career, go to uni etc etc without expectations
because tampons and sanitary pads are stupidly expensive
because some people reading this will have flinched at the fact i just said ‘tampon’
because there are men out there whose job it is to make young girls feel like absolute shit about themselves just so they can sell the next best beauty product
because female masturbation isn’t considered normal whilst men can talk about their own penises for hours on end
because feminists are still seen as crazy lesbians who dont shave and some still feel like they have to defend themselves by claiming theyre not any of those things when in fact if i want to be a passionate lady who likes other ladies and cant be bothered to shave my legs every twenty minutes then thats my choice and if i want to be someone who wears make up and shaves and goes out partying then thats my choice and if i want to be a combination of the two or anything in between then thats. my. choice.
because i believe anyone who identifies as female is fucking badass and deserves the same rights as every privileged stuck up old white man sitting around and making laws about our bodies
because how can you not be
I just did a long post and only the first part posted -.-
So I haven’t been able to write lately, obviously. I’ve been doing lots of crafts but I’m really not doing well. I’m seeing fall out boy on Sunday which is good but other than that I just want to die.
I have so many lovely messages in my ask box and I just don’t have the energy to answer them but if you’ve sent me one just know I appreciate it and it really helps
Im really sorry I haven’t been posting at all lately but I haven’t been writing. Things are still weird. It’s been weeks without writing so if you can give me prompts I will try writing. I miss it.
In other news mum tried to speak to me about going back to school and then I started feeling suicidal again but when I discussed it with my therapist today she said ‘It’s either don’t go back to school or end up dead because I think if you go back you’ll end up killing yourself’ which scares the shit out of me because I know she’s right but I still can’t comprehend killing myself?? Even though I tried already?? And like it freaks me out that I could go to school then I forget my homework and get told off or just generally something goes wrong and I could just go into town which is right by my school, buy tablets and kill myself. Like?? I could be feeling fine in the morning but my feelings change so quickly.These things are very confusing if anyone understands life please message me.
I’ve taken up embroidery and the art of saving any photograph I see of a baby goat to my phone and adding it to a special folder
please send me prompts i’d really like to write some things!!
my home treatment crisis therapist is so nice she bought me kerrang magazine and told me part of my therapy is going to gigs bc that’s what i like to do and she got me an appointment with a different psychiatrist bc she disagrees with the bpd diagnosis and thinks i should get another opinion and also she’s getting my keyworker changed because i don’t get on with her and basically she’s just doing so much for me but she’s only managing the risk so once i’m physically safe again she’ll have to start pulling out of my treatment which sucks but still!!